Extreme Trifle forces Formula 1 boss to step down

Ron Dennis, the Team Principal of the McLaren Formula One team resigned his position this week. The official explanation for this was that it was in the "best interests of McLaren". This is of course management spin for a totally different explanation - why would any sane person leave the high octane, jet-setting, botty-spanking world of F1?

Well first you need to know that the McLaren Team is based in Woking in a top secret location not open to the general public, however it can easily be found thanks to the enormous illuminated sign on the roundabout which leads to their place. Then you need to know what else Woking is famous for. Well let's see, there is Paul Weller and Harry Hill, and hey it's where the Martians landed in War of the Worlds. Clearly the Martians were not looking for intelligent life forms. But no, none of this is the reason for the Ron Dennis P45.

Is it just a co-incidence that the weekend Ron Dennis resigns is the weekend that Extreme Trifle opened their new Headquarters in Woking?! I think not. Let's face it he saw it coming. Better to quit now while McLaren are World Title holders than to watch us usurp their position as Woking's premier centre of motorsport research and development.

A McLaren associate told us "Ron was stumbling back from the chippy after a night out and decided to take a piss by the canal. Behind a tree he could see a garage full of Yamaha T80's complete with never-seen-before fairing designs and rear spoilers disguised as pizza boxes. He knew at that moment the fight for supremacy was lost."

Clearly the repercussions have yet to be felt but this could be a turning point in F1. Bernie Ecclestone was not available for comment as he couldn't reach the wall-mounted phone. We also tried Max Mosley but he was out on the lash...

And so HQ is open for business. Our extensive research paid off. We are in a prime location only 4 mins 38 seconds walk to the pub (though the quickest we've ever managed for the return journey is 17 minutes).

There's also a McDonalds (not usually a cause for celebration but the video will explain). So now the trip un-preparations can get in to full swing. All the essential items are in position, the beer fridge, the pinball machine and the coffee-table shaped like a giant nob.

Lad's we've got work to do (put the kettle on).