It's a hole in one, with a number two

Every now and again an email comes through that sparks your curiosity. I don't mean the sort that says - "Barclays Bank Security Alert please give us your PIN number" or "Plunge her with your massive rod until she explodes". No this was one of those comedy links your mates send you where you can go and view a photo of an unfortunate student whose vomited in to his trousers or someone who's driven their car off a cliff. You know the really hilarious stuff.

So I was intrigued to follow a link for the Brown Corporation who have a rather special product which does exactly what is says on the...

You were thinking "tin" there weren't you but actually this a box. No ordinary box, it's a SHIT BOX. That's right it's a box you shit in.

Now this immediately struck me as perfect for the Wrong Way Round. I'm thinking that somewhere on the way to Magadan we are all going to need to take a dump. The thing is that the woods in Siberia have bears. Not mummy, daddy, and baby bear, but big brown Siberian bears, and although according to Wikipedia they only kill about 10 people a year, I would bet good odds that all 10 of those people were curling one out at the time.

With the Shit Box there is no need to run the bear gauntlet, or dangle your delicates in to a stinging nettle bush whilst being bled dry by mosquitos. Just pop the box, insert the bag, reach for the paper and well, you could almost be enjoying one in the comfort of your own home.

Now this all sounds good on paper (hahahaha), but there was no chance I was going to take a mobile bog half way round the world only to see it all go down the pan (hahahaha). I had to test one of these out. So without a moments delay I was on the phone to the Brown Corporation. A nice pleasant young lady answered so I enquired as to whether I could speak to someone about their "product". "You mean the Shit Box" she said matter of factly. Er, yeah that.

Once I'd explained our trip and stated my proposal that they might want to sponsor us I was informed that the decision would have to be referred. She put me on hold and then after a few moments announced that she was transferring my call to "The Big Shit". I kid you not. Quite possibly the most surreal business (hahahaha) call of my life. Needless to say a job lot of Shit Boxes arrived at Extreme Trifle Towers.

Now it just so happens a product testing opportunity arose on todays round of golf. I always get a twitch on around about the 16th hole, I don't know whether it's the sight of the club house in the distance or the rippling water in the lake, but ordinarily in this situation I would make a dash for the trees or whip out the flag and drop one french styley in to the hole. Not on this occasion. Bring out the Shit Box...

Seriously, I've never found a game of golf so liberating. One minute I'm putting the turf back in, the next minute I'm turfing one out. Suddenly golf made sense. My world was soon brought to an abrupt halt however.

The club captain caught a glimpse whilst teeing off from the 15th and sunk one deep in to the rough, which in hindsight which is what I should have done. Apparently I'd violated every chapter in the golfing code.

Needless to say my membership at Bath Manor and Country Club has been revoked, but the good news is that apart from the slight soilage whilst being manhandled off the course by security, the Shit Box performed admirably and I will be passing a motion (hahahaha) at the next Wrong Way Round board meeting that Shit Boxes be included in our essential kit allowances.

So there we have it, the Shit Box, official poo partner of the Wrong Way Round . It brings me out in a hot flush it really does. So that's my blog done. I was thinking "how will cistern out?" but I think you'll agree it's a proper job (hahahahahaahahahahahahahhahahaha).