OMG it's the theory test

Well the day finally came, I of course was as usual totally unprepared for my theory test. I had my highway code book for several weeks leading up to the exam but had failed to open it thinking it was a great idea to thumb through it the night before. So I duly poured myself a glass of wine in ready preparation for a nights swatting, well one thing lead to another and several things got in the way and after a bottle and a half of vino I still hadn't looked at it. “I know” I thought I'll get up especially early and read it in the car before going in that sounds like a great idea and put off the inevitable for a few more hours. My test was booked in for 8.30am so I set off at 7.30am leaving plenty of time for the 20 minute journey there. I put the postcode into my shatnav and set off making good time or so I thought. If any of you have ever been to Runcorn in Cheshire you will know what a shithole the place is, more roundabouts than Milton Keynes and more dilapidated factories than an Eastern European country. My shatnav was well out of its depth and I was now running out of time. “you have reached your destination” it said proudly as I was bombing down a dual carriageway surrounded by wasteland “what” I shouted bloody thing, and proceeded to have serious words with it, it informed me that I had to put the whole address in to it for it to help us out of our predicament. Am I the only person ever to have a conversation with a Satnav?

2 minutes to go and I arrive at the test centre, highway code still unopened clutched in my now pretty sweaty hand.

“You can't take that in there or your phone, put it away in that locker” the man behind the desk in reception informed me. So in I went and sat down at a PC. The 1st part was a multiple guess on the highway code mmm this could be interesting I thought so after 20 mins of bumbling through it answering (sorry guessing) questions on tram speed limit signs and does a ring road sign look like I felt pretty smug.

Next section the hazard perception test. So after frantic clicking of the mouse at every person, car, pothole, and stone on the road thinking this is a piece of cake, a warning sign flashed up in front of me saying I was taking the piss and would score 0 points for that clip, shit I thought I better concentrate here. After 14 more clips and a lot less clicking I'd finished ready to tell the examiner what a load of rubbish that was and how the hell is anyone supposed to get through all that lot with a pass............... “Congratulations” he said ignoring my mutterings and handed over a piece of paper with the words PASS on it. Mmm maybe its not such a crap test after all.

FOR SALE 1 unused unopened as new highway code book!